Sunday, April 10, 2011

Kecewa

"Perbedaan".
Satu kata, banyak makna.
Banyak yang bilang, "perbedaan itu indah". Bahkan slogan negara kita pun berkata, "Bhinneka Tunggal Ika" a.k.a "berbeda-beda tapi tetap satu", ato bahasa kerennya, "Unity in Diversity".

"Perbedaan".
Satu kata, satu jenis, tapi punya dampak yang berbeda-beda. Maksudnya?
Belakangan ini, aku ngerasain dua bentuk dari "perbedaan", dan bagaimana dampak dari "perbedaan" itu.
Perbedaan yang saling melengkapi, dan perbedaan yang memang bener-bener ga bisa dipersatukan. Instead of bersatu & melengkapi, malah saling bikin satu & yang laen ga nyaman, ga jadi diri sendiri.
Dua pengalaman berbeda yang aku rasakan dari dua orang yang berbeda pula, tentunya.

Kenapa perbedaan itu bisa membawa dampak yang berbeda? Aku juga ga tau jawaban pastinya. Tapi, MUNGKIN, itu tergantung juga dari DI MANA letak "perbedaan" itu.

Sekian lama aku & dia berperang melawan perbedaan di antara kita. After so many things we've been through, & we got to know each other very very well, we thought that we've solved the problems. Kita saling mengerti satu sama lain, en we tried to comfort each other. Tapi ternyata, MY comfort zone is NOT HERS, and HER comfort zone is NOT MINE. We've tried, but then the fact was, we were making each other enter OUR OWN comfort zone, not being HERSELF or MYSELF, thus, making each other UNCOMFORTABLE. Dan itu bukan sesuatu yang bisa dipaksakan, dan ga bisa berlangsung dalam jangka waktu yang panjang. Lama-lama pasti ngerasa capek sendiri. Ga bisa membohongi diri & perasaan sendiri.

Akhirnya aku (mungkin "kita berdua") sampai pada satu kesimpulan & keputusan: memang ga bisa dipaksakan. We are wayy too different. Dunia kita terlalu berbeda. Kalo kita punya sifat yang beda but we share the same passion, we own the same "world", we may be great. But we don't.

Jujur, aku kecewa. Aku sedih. Yes, I'm even HURT.

Seakan-akan, kita saling menyayangi, tapi kita ga bisa bersama. Well, I'm not saying that we can't be friends. No way. We'll still be friends forever, for sure. We have to be. But just friends. Good friends, maybe, but not best friends :(

"Life is all about choices. When we choose something, we have to sacrifice the other thing."
Do you agree with that statement? Me, I kinda agree. Because it feels like, between us, there are two things that just can't happen at the same time. Both of us have agreed about this.

Too sad, but that's the fact. And maybe, that's life.

Aku bakal tetep sayang sama kamu, hold you in my heart, but I have to "let you go", as well..
I shall not expect anything from you..

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