Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Love Letter

To: The most beautiful Angel in Heaven

Hi Mom!

How are you doing? I'm sure you must be doing very well and very happy. I hope you get along with everybody well. You are an easy going and lovable woman, so I know you would. Everybody must love you like we all do here.

Here it comes again, November the 5th.

I know it's been 9 years. But I'm sorry to tell you that I'm still not over you, and I know I never would, and I don't plan to. I still miss you everyday, dream about you, and hope that you would come back home. But yeah, I know you ARE home now, with our Heavenly Father, and I can't be happier.

Do you miss me as much as I do, Mom? Do you worry about me or think of me everyday?

I just wanna give you a glimpse of how I've been doing these past 9 years after you're gone. Even though I know that you've been watching me all these years from above, but I just wanna talk to you about everything, like I used to do.

Well.. Life hasn't been easy for us, especially in the first years. But somehow, we made it through. I know, it must've been by God's Grace only.

I dreamt about you a lot. Oh, and you know what? Daddy made me stop dancing! :( He wanted me to concentrate on my study, since I was graduating soon from high school. I was so broken, it felt like half of my life was taken. I've been dancing since I was 4, so it's been a part of my life and you were my biggest supporter. You know he is never a big fan of me dancing. I graduated from high school with good grades and went to med school in Suzhou. Yes, I wanted to follow your path and pursue our dreams. I hope you were happy with that, because I know you always wanted your children to study abroad.

I had the time of my life in Suzhou. I have so many friends, and more importantly, a new big family. Turned out that I couldn't escape from what I love the most: being in an organization and dancing. It's where I belong. Just like you did, didn't you? :) I was still an active student there and I was happy that I could still dance and perform every time we held an event. I learnt a lot, not only about medical stuffs, but also about life. How to deal with other people with different backgrounds and characters, how to live far from my family & be independent, how to be a good leader, how to take care of myself and other people, and so on. Oh, I have a lot to tell you and I can't write it all here! Yes, Mom, I learnt so much. I met so many good people.

I wanted to ask you a lot of questions. I wanted to ask, how did you do when you were in med school? What did you feel when you dissected your first cadaver? Or when you got into the OR for the first time? How did you prepare yourself for those scary exams? Oh, I could list it for you if you want me to! I missed you more during exam time, when everything seemed so impossible to remember, so much to read and memorize, and it reminded me of how you used to pray for me or brought me healthy food/drinks whenever I was having my exams. Med school reminded me a lot of you. I think I was doing pretty well.

After 5.5 years, I finally made it. I led my classmates to say The Hippocratic Oath on our graduation day. Daddy was there, and I know so were you. I really hope I've made you happy and proud. I hope it was what you really want me to be.

I thought I wouldn't have got even one bouquet of flowers, because we both know that daddy is not that kind of person who would buy flowers for his daughter on her graduation day, right? :p And I was right. He didn't buy me one :)))) But my friends did:

I didn't get one, I got three! See? I've told you, I met so many good people there. They're my family :)

Daddy and I were confused about what I was gonna do next. But I'm happy that I decided to come back home. I joined in activities like giving free medications to the poor. Not only I get to learn more and help people, but I also get to meet new people and be their friends. And not long after I was home, I met him. I think God has planned it :)

You know that I've been a very girly girl who dreams of her prince to come.. Yes, Mom, I think I finally found him :) He is everything I've ever wanted from a man. Of course, he is not perfect, but he is the perfect one for me. Oh, you've got to see and meet him! You would like him. He treats me like a princess and he makes me happy & safe when I'm with him. I hope you would give your blessings to us. Did you feel the same when you met daddy? Did you miss him all the time when he wasn't around? Did he make you feel like you were the only girl in the world? I know that he adores you so much. You are the most beautiful woman for him, and the most beautiful mother for us. Daddy said that you both met everyday when you were still dating (before the long distance relationship, of course), I envy you! :p

I always told you and talked to you about everything including boys, but I never got to tell you how it feels to fall in love with someone so dearly.. I hope my relationship with him would be stronger and stronger day by day, and we could bless people through it. Please pray for us, Mom :)

This doesn't get easier, Mom.. You've been gone for 9 years now, yet everyday I still wish you would come back.. I know it's wrong, but I just can't help it. There is always something I wanna ask you, talk to you, or share with you. This feelings of loving and missing you never fade away even a bit. You were more than a mother to me, you were my best friend.

If you were here, I would ask you to teach me how to cook and bake. And sew, maybe. I love to cook and you were the best cook we've ever known. I would go to salon and go shopping with you, any girly things, I wouldn't mind :D I might complain to some of your opinions, but in the end, you would win :D We would be the best mother-daughter couple in the world! ;)

Daddy always says that I am so much like you. And I'm happy to hear that :D They say I finally fulfilled your dream by being a doctor. I really hope so, Mom. I hope I make you proud. I hope I'm not disappointing you. The road is still very very long, though.. Sometimes I even feel like I wanna give up, it feels like the road is too long and so many uncertainties lie ahead :( I don't know what will happen next, I'm just trying to enjoy every moment and be grateful for everything I have. I know God will provide, guide, and lead me, and I know I'll always have my parents' prayers.

Oh hey, have you met Mikael? This cute naughty little boy is your first grandson. He knows that he has a beautiful grandmom and always calls "Emak" when he sees your pictures. He loves automotive and music a lot. He starts learning swimming and he is improving so fast! I guess swimming does run in our family :D

So, Mom, I'm doing just fine, aren't I? We all are. Life is rough but I have to be tough, right? They say, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I'll add it: What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, wiser, grow, and more mature. Eventually, I'll get through everything. I have a BIG God, a great family, a bunch of caring friends, and a very supportive partner. Dad has been an amazing father to all of us. You'd chosen a wonderful man :') We are all doing just fine (even though yes, we miss you a lot). You don't need to worry too much, okay? :) Just keep praying for us.. Keep watching.

I know that you never really left.. You never left our hearts. And you are watching over me. It's just.. I miss you so so so much. And I'm glad I do. Sometimes I'm scared that I would forget you and the feelings I had when I was with you.

I know you are in a safe place and as happy as can be, because you have been united with Our Heavenly Father & all the angels and saints in Heaven. Oh, by the way, have you met Cc Anny, emak, and engkong? Tell them I miss them too, especially Cc Anny. I didn't get to see her before she left :(

I love you, Mom. Always had, always do, always will. You are the best mother a girl could have. Even though it wasn't long enough for me to hold you close, but I'm so glad that you are the part of my life, and you are still the best that's ever been in my life. I am blessed to be your little girl. I'm always looking forward to meet you in my dreams before we finally meet again in Heaven :) I miss you, My Guardian Angel, more than you know it..

Lots of love, hugs, and kisses,
Your loving youngest girl ♥

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